Reflecting on connections of Pride between the LGBTQ+ Community and the BLM Movement
Pride. What does that mean to an LGBTQ+ person? To me, it means not being ashamed of who you are and being able to live your life as open, free, and happy as anyone else.
I’m very privileged to have that. I’m privileged to come from a white, Canadian family who embraced my Mexican-American wife from the moment they met her almost a decade ago. I appreciate that, as someone who dated men most of her life, when I said that I was in love with someone and that someone was a she, all my father said was, “Oh, that cute Mexican girl? I get that!” and winked. We also had been drinking a lot, so maybe that helped.
Being an openly LGBTQ+ teacher, and being proud of that, is not easy. I’m always nervous to talk about it, and usually, I wait the whole year to tell my class so that they can “get to know me better” first.
Last year, when I told my grade 4 students, one wise young lady was almost personally offended that I hadn’t told them earlier in the year. I explained my reason, and she said, “Why would anyone have a problem with that? You should never feel ashamed of who you are or love, that’s ridiculous. You should be proud of yourself. And really, if anyone did have a problem, well, that’s their problem!”
Out of the mouth of babes, right?
This year, this same child was in an extracurricular class that I offered to older students. Her first question, “Did you tell your students about Amber?”
“Yes, right away.”
“How did it go?”
“Really well, no one had a problem!”
“See, I told you.”
She’s 11 years old.
For the first eight years my wife and I were together, we had virtually no issues. Save for one, which I’ll go into later.
But in this last year, I’ve been horrified at the number of people I have come across who have felt empowered to speak down to me, ponder aloud if I had “tried” men, say I needed my soul prayed for, or that they were “very sorry, but my religion just doesn’t approve”. It doesn’t exactly help me to feel Pride in who I am.
The most humiliating experience happened about seven years ago. I got fired from a certain “Learning Center” when they found out that I had a partner. The owner handed me a letter saying that my job, as the director of the center, was “made redundant” and I was no longer needed.
When I asked for an explanation, she said, “This isn’t a discussion. I know you have a relationship here, and I don’t know what you are going to do about that, but you won’t be doing that here.”
And that was it. It was during the standard three months of probation, and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t speak about it for more than a year because the shame I felt for being fired was too much for me.
That was personally so shocking because I am very proud of being Canadian and our role in furthering LGBTQ+ rights. I really thought that meant that everyone was “okay with the gays” — how naive. Long before my wife and the legalization of gay marriage in 2005, I was an ally to the LGBTQ+ community. I just stupidly thought that applied to, well, pretty much everyone else.
But it feels different being an ally of a community and being in it. It’s just the same as being visibly a member of a minority community vs not being identified as one. This changes a person’s experience.
My thought process takes a bit of a turn at this point, in light of the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement. I’ve been trying to figure out what to say, what to do or how to stand as anti-racist. I educate myself and listen to the voices sharing what the Black community is going through. I’m considering the negative experiences I’ve had as an LGBTQ+ person, my passion for our rights, and trying to channel them into a place to feel some of what people of colour (POC) must feel in the US. Find a way to relate.
So what do I do? What is my role? I know I cannot fully understand what the Black Lives Matter Movement means because I’m not Black. As a white, straight-presenting woman, I enjoy a whole lot of privilege. No one knows my status until I start talking or kiss my wife. But, I also can’t point to my friends of colour and call it a day — “See, not a racist!”. If you’ve read anything by @MrPranPatel (https://theteacherist.com/), then you’ll know what I mean. I’m continuously learning so much from him.
In a time where I am reflecting on what it means to have Pride, I can see that the BLM movement is also, in part, about Pride. Pride in who they are, where they have come from, and their culture (to name a few). I also know I say this from a place of privilege and that the wounds inflicted on the Black community are so much deeper than it only being about Pride. But this is one way I can channel my experiences as an LGTBQ+ person to be a better ally to the BLM movement.
Connecting my community’s experiences has helped me have conversations about BLM, like in why it’s Black Lives Matter and not All Lives Matter. It seems obvious to me, but the truth is, it sadly isn’t to some people. No one has ever said that all lives don’t matter. It’s that Black lives that are treated as ‘other’, as less, or as somehow lower on some imaginary hierarchy of importance. The LGBTQ+ community has a deep understanding of this othering in our own context. Our history, and current experience (as noted above), is littered with situations where people degrade us for who we are. When faced with it, our Pride gets hacked away at, and we become less of who we could truly be, despite our best efforts to show strength.
What I can also understand is the point of starting a revolution. A revolution is necessary to fight systematic oppression experienced by any group of people, and ingrained in this fight is the right to exercise personal Pride. Stonewall was a significant turning point — and a cornerstone of our Pride — in the fight for LGBTQ+ rights, supported by community members and their allies. The Revolutionary War was a result of the first Americans who wanted to make their own decisions without the influence of the British monarchy. American independence, earned through that revolution, has undoubtedly led to the Pride of what it is to be American, right? The BLM movement is a revolution for POC, and allies must support in any way they can.
Everyone is warranted Pride in who they are. But as long as POC are disproportionately imprisoned, murdered by police, limited access to jobs and education (among many, many other things), they are not entirely free to have Pride, are they? Therefore, as a community that understands what it’s like to fight for our rights, our role is to give our allyship to the Black Lives Matter movement because it’s easy to understand this fundamental thing: we all deserve to have Pride.
